I knew I should have pursued sports broadcasting...

I make it a rule to only watch BoSox games called by the hometown crew for a couple of reasons. One, if anyone is going to be biased and obnoxious, I want it to be the guys pulling for the same team as me. Two, Don Orsillo, Boston's play-by-play announcer, is respected enough to be assigned playoff games by TBS, which is more than most other broadcasters can say for themselves.

If I have no choice, like when ESPN or Fox picks up a game, or the Sox play the Mariners, I'm forced to sit through three hours of Rick Sutcliffe, Jon Miller or Tim McCarver. None of these guys, however, are more painful to listen to than the guy above, Dave Sims.

In fact, I can come of with four reasons why Sims is the worst of the worst. Enjoy.

1) Lack of knowledge. If Boston has runners on the corners with nobody out, Garrett Olson can't escape the inning with a double play ball because, as we all know, there are three outs per inning. Idiot.

2) I don't really know how to preface this, but just because a player has a name like "Gutierrez" does not mean you are required to try miserably to roll the R's in his name. Stop it.

3) He's exceedingly obnoxious. This should count for about seven reasons, but I'll limit it to one. He laughs at jokes which aren't funny. He's more of a homer than Rick Rizzs. Everything is 50 times greater when a Mariner does it. Routine plays are Web Gems. The list goes on.

4) He's in October mode...in July. I understand Seattle makes the playoffs about once a decade and to be within 15 games of first on Independence Day is an achievement in itself for M's fans, but just because you win a road game at Fenway does not mean you've clinched a trip to the World Series. If you were watching last night's game, though, you would have thought the Mariners won Game 7 of the ALCS. Hey Sims, you guys scored twice in the 11th and even when Mark Lowe gave up a bomb to the immortal George Kottaras (his first career blast), you thought it was baseball's greatest and most clutch save of the last 25 years. It wasn't.

Oh, and while I'm here, Theo, feel free to ship Saito anywhere. Maybe you can get a right fielder who swings the bat in return.