I was really hoping to analyze both the NBA Finals as well as the NHL Finals and write lengthy pieces on each. Both plans fell through, however, as I am already two games behind in the Red Wings-Penguins series and any aspirations I had of another 1,000-word Kobe-LeBron blog went out the window with King James' Cavs career.
So rather than delve into how the Lakers can combat Superman or how Kobe will fare after the Magic just stopped one legend in the making, I'm going to see if I can, on a whim, list 10 reasons to get me to watch the NBA Finals. This is completely impromptu, so here goes.
1) Super Bowl-esque commercials. Unless the Niners are playing or I have hundreds of dollars on the line, neither of which have happened in a while, one of the most enjoyable aspects of the Super Bowl are the commercials. If I knew that during the NBA Finals, I would see terrific beer ads or the rare sleeper for a company I've never heard of, I'd put myself through six games of Orlando taking it to the Lake Show. Heck, I don't need nonstop new ads and they don't have to be of Super Bowl quality, but a Sonic or Geico commercial once or twice a game would have me tuned in.
2) Every other channel running an Two and a Half Men Marathon. I don't think I really need to go into depth here, but the only thing worse than Charlie Sheen's Hanes commercials is this show.
3) I'm at Flamin' Joes or Swinging Doors. Sure, both of these restaurants have several TVs tuned in to a variety of stations, but if all I'm forced to pick between are the NBA Finals and the Mariners-Orioles game, I'll watch a bit of roundball. Though, if the Scripps Spelling Bee comes on, I might switch over to that instead. Even on mute. Without captions. I'm not really excited about the NBA Finals.
4) The NBA changing the Continuation Rule before Game 1. Delonte West drove the lane in Game 5, was fouled by Anthony Johnson and then took two complete steps before tossing in a bucket. And one. I can't even think of an equivalent to this in any other sport. I guess it would be like the defense touching up the puck on a delayed penalty in hockey, except if the offense could still play on for two or three seconds to try to get a shot off. That's honestly the closest I can come, which should prove how ludicrous the rule is. But if the NBA announced before tipoff that once the whistle blows, the play is over unless the shooter is in the air, I might be interested, if only to see the players complain about their layin not counting after they were fouled at the elbow.
5) A guaranteed Kobe Bryant face. Yeah, I'm taking a page out of Bill Simmons' book with this one, but if I got to see the Kobe Bryant face (pictured above), I'd be watching. This is the one where he looks at a teammate, or into the crowd, knowing he's better than everyone on the floor, but the rest of his team is too much for him to overcome. He's blaming the rest of the roster with one glare, frustrated that people like Derek Fisher are taking 22-foot jumpers with three minutes left in the fourth quarter, down by two and 20 seconds left on the shot clock. It's inevitable that the face will make an appearance as the Lakers are headed for their second consecutive NBA Finals loss. I might be watching just for that.
6) Rashard Lewis playing for a championship. After playing in relative anonymity in Seattle in the shadow of Ray Allen, Lewis is playing in his first Finals. His play might make or break this series, as Orlando lives and dies by its perimeter play. He's a guy who can look rattled at times, so on the big stage, it could be bust for Rashard Lewis. You can take Rashard Lewis out of Seattle and you can take the Sonics out of Seattle, but you can't take the Seattle or the Sonics out of Rashard Lewis. And yes, this entire paragraph was dedicated to making that joke.
7) The Chick Flick Rule. I'm not ashamed to admit I do enjoy sappy love movies. But I don't enjoy watching them alone, so I don't watch them. It would take a girl to say "Hey, wanna watch The Notebook tonight?" for me to be on board. Well, same with the NBA Finals. Unless a cute girl comes up to me and asks if I wanna watch a game, I don't care enough about it. Call me shallow or a fair-weather sports fan if you want (I'm not sure which insults me more) but that's the way it is with me and the NBA.
8) David Stern bending the rules and allowing the Magic to trade Dwight Howard and Lewis to the Cavs for LeBron James prior to Game 1. If you're Danny Ferry, you have to think there is a decent to strong chance that LeBron is bolting via free agency. Why not get something in return? And if you're Stern, you would what...triple or quadruple your ratings by setting up the Kobe-LeBron feud in the Finals? I don't know enough about the salary cap to know what would be feasible in this situation, but I don't envision most of the other things on this list happening anyway, so I'm going with it. It's my blog, I make the rules - apparently as I go. And that is precisely what Stern should do with the "trade deadline." And you thought I didn't know what I was talking about...
9) A guarantee that the Lakers would exact some revenge for the Hack-a-Shaq strategy the Kings employed several seasons ago. Hedo Turkoglu, who played for Sacramento in the early part of the decade, was part of a team which sent Shaq to the line roughly 3,400 times in their 2002 seven-game series. Well now, Turkoglu plays with Howard, who shoots like Shaq in his prime from the charity stripe. Regardless of how far ahead the Magic may be in any fourth quarter of the series, Phil Jackson may remember what went down in 2002 and spend the last 10 minutes of the game using scrubs Adam Morrison (that felt good) and Shannon Brown to wrap up Howard 40 feet from the hoop. If this happens, I want to see the look on Hedo's face as Howard is 4-18 from the line and a double-digit lead is down to one with 90 seconds left and the ball in Kobe's hands. There will be a lot of 4-letter words roaming around in his head, I'm pretty sure.
10) Phil Jackson and Stan Van Gundy facing off in a Game 7. I'll actually throw an interesting subplot into the mix here. Stan "The Man" Van Gundy has broken out as one of the game's most underrated coaches in this postseason. He led his team to a win in the Garden in Game 7 against the defending NBA Champs (admittedly without KG, but still...), then figured out a way to dethrone the King, and it only took six games to do it. His team fell behind by as many as 22 in the first quarter of the Eastern Conference Finals, but his demeanor and coaching style allowed his players to rally each time, even if they fell to Cleveland twice on the road. His postgame press conferences are candid, entertaining and straightforward. Every talking head in America who watches the NBA loves that the Ron Jeremy lookalike is on the verge of a title. Now, the only coach standing in his way is one of the all-time greats. If this series goes the distance, it will be very interesting to see how Orlando fares in the Staples Center. Surprisingly, the coaching matchup is one reason I love the Magic in this series. Jackson carries a been-there-done-that attitude, which would work if anyone other than Kobe and Fisher have had success in the Finals. But Jackson hasn't won a title unless the greatest player ever or Kobe AND Shaq have taken the court for him. And I expect that trend to continue.
Hey, that only took two hours. And it would take two more just to get to 11 reasons. Time to take my Kobe Bryant face off for the night - I could not have done more than I just did.
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