Final World Cup thoughts...

The 2010 World Cup has come and gone, with Spain defeating the Netherlands 1-0 in a final that no amount of Starbucks could have kept me awake for. In fact, my favorite part of the championship match was the first 90 minutes of scoreless soccer, with my interest peaking in about the 22nd minute, seen here.

In honor of the event, I'm handing out awards named for participating countries based on the good and the bad from the last month in South Africa.

The Cameroon Award (first team knocked out/first thing that I didn't like about the 2010 World Cup): nonstop diving. Reason number 4,310 why hockey is better than soccer: hockey players wouldn't be caught dead pulling some of this stuff off, but if they tried, they'd get two minutes in the penalty box. Soccer players, meanwhile, are scorned, mocked and shamed, but that's about it. If you didn't catch any of the World Cup, or haven't ever seen soccer, I can't really blame you. Some of the acting done by players from the 32 countries was terrible enough to make Brendan Fraser blush. Three honorable mention videos to drive the point home: Keita vs. Brazil, Ronaldo vs. Germany and De Rossi vs. Paraguay. Just terrible.

The Netherlands Award (most underrated aspect of the World Cup): shots of fans crowded in streets from around the globe. For the few fans of soccer reading this, I hope you caught a glimpse of the masses because you will never see anything like this in the USA. Ever. Soccer will never be as big in America as it is around the world and the blocks and blocks of people jammed together like the end of "V for Vendetta" is a testament to that. Cameras in bars around the USA showed reactions of 40 or 50 people when Landon Donovan saved the day against Algeria. Meanwhile, for the World Cup Final against the Netherlands, a shot from Madrid showed thousands of people standing outside, waiting to celebrate Spain's first ever World Cup Championship. The image was unforgettable and unlike anything you would see in any sport in America. If you don't think soccer is the world's most popular game, one look at these crowds would change your mind.

The Argentina Award (most overrated aspect of the World Cup): vuvuzelas. Oh my God, we get it. They're loud. They're obnoxious. They're nonstop. Give it a rest. Personally, I liked them. They gave a constant buzz to the stadium and a sport which has just a few exciting moments over an hour-and-a-half span. You think they're annoying and unnecessary? OK, fine. Can we talk about something else now? Awesome, let's move on.

The North Korea Award (I didn't think that was possible in soccer): two way tie between Giovanni Van Bronckhorst's goal vs. Uruguay and Robert Green's unforgivable goal allowed vs. the USA. This award, in honor of North Korea allowing seven goals in a match vs. Portugal (one fewer than Spain scored in their World Cup title run), was split between Van Bronckhorst and Green in very contrasting ways. Green's goes without saying because at the highest level, netminders shouldn't be allowing goals that high school JV soccer players wouldn't. But Van Bronckhorst's goal from outside the box was far and away the most impressive goal of the 2010 World Cup. How he was able to do what he did combined skill, precision, force and luck into one of the prettiest goals in soccer history. In fact, I just went back and watched it again, mid-paragraph. Wow.

The Spain Award (best team/favorite player): Uruguay's Diego Forlan. The 2010 World Cup Golden Ball winner for best player, Forlan was the reason I enjoyed the World Cup as much as I did. A deadly sniper on free kicks, Forlan carried an Uruguay team to the brink of the Finals without their second-best player Luis "The World Cup's most hateable player" Suarez, before falling to the Netherlands. When my good friend Pat Silvey turned on FIFA 2010 during halftime, he played as Atletico Madrid in homage to the World Cup's MVP. And while he fell 3-2 to Real Madrid, it was Forlan who helped rally Atletico Madrid from a two-goal deficit with an assist and the game-tying goal. Not by coincidence, either. "[Forlan] helped Anne lose weight." "Peter, she's anorexic." "Yeah, I know. The guy's really good." Three points in the fake 2010 World Cup standings for identifying that reference.

The France Award (most disappointing performance): World Cup referees. The refs almost got the nod for the Argentina Award because every media outlet around the globe hammered them for blowing just about every meaningful call. It wasn't just the faux (see what I did there?) foul call against the USA either. Goals were allowed that shouldn't have been. Goals were disallowed that should have counted. It's hard not to make the same Jim Joyce joke that has been done no fewer than 71,387 times over the last month, but seriously...you could have sent Jim Joyce to South Africa and improved the quality of officiating.

The France Award Part Deux (most stereotypical team): France. Hey, say what you will about the French, but when their backs were against the wall, they did what they do best: wave the white flag. When Nicolas Anelka was kicked off the team (pun intended), players got together and protested in a way that inspired nobody in France: refusing to practice. Would going about that adversity in a different way been a better way of handling the situation (say dedicating the tournament to Anelka and playing to spite the coach)? Yes. Was it stupid to waste four years of preparation to make a point that could have been made in a more constructive manner? Of course. Did France shame their country with their foolish decision? Oh yeah. Did they disappoint me? Nah, I got a kick out of it. Am I out of rhetorical questions? Yup.

The USA Award (got my hopes up, only to crush them): Spain vs. Paraguay. Easily the most entertaining game of the 2010 World Cup (odd, because it ended 1-0), but the game featured really good chances for both teams, including three penalty kicks in a three-minute span. After Paraguay's miss on a PK, Spain bolted down the pitch and received a PK of their own. Spain converted, but officials ruled a Spanish forward offside, resulting in a re-kick, which Paraguay saved. This was the game that sucked me into the World Cup and had me thinking "maybe this is something I could get into for real..." Unfortunately, I missed the only entertaining game after that (Germany-3, Uruguay-2) and am forced to settle for not watching soccer until 2014.

The Germany Award (team nobody in the USA was rooting for): Germany. Call it lame to give two countries awards named after themselves if you want, but I'm going with it anyway. It's another point that's been beaten into the ground like France's World Cup cameo, but nobody wanted Germany to do well because of the historical implications. The Axis vs. Allied match of 2010 featured Germany and England and didn't quite end as well as World War II did. Germany blitzkrieged the Brits to the tune of two quick goals before England responded with one of their own. With the tide seemingly turning, England scored what appeared to be the tying goal before Hitler...I mean Jorge Larrionda, overturned the call and took the wind out of the Merchant Navy's sails before Germany advanced with a 4-1 win. The Germs proceeded to crush Argentina 4-0 before falling short against Spain and allowing the good guys to collectively exhale before the World Cup final.

Finally, the Brazil Award (looking ahead): 2014 World Cup. Thanks to this year's event, the 2014 World Cup, ironically in Brazil, is looking like it won't completely suck. Soccer players have become more recognized for their headers (led by Puyol's statement goal against Germany) than their headbutting. Surprise teams like Uruguay and the Netherlands (who caught favored Brazil sleeping in their quarterfinal matchup) have given the World Cup parity and a plethora of teams to look out for next year. Even the USA is gearing up, having escaped group play for the first time since 2002.

Am I sucked into soccer now, thanks to Forlan, Spain and Van Bronckhorst's wicked goal? No. But I'll be watching in four years. Until then, bring on something other than soccer, please.